letter from a madwoman

 So, how are things? here everything is going just about the same as always. I heard a quote today that I thought was pretty accurate."Life is a Thursday, every day of the week"heh,, that is so true. well,, guess what, I am at a crossroads,,, I don't know what the hell to do with my life. i keep having the same gut feeling that I am missing something or there is something I should be doing. I dunno, maybe i am just crazy. wonder what makes ppl want what they don't have. its pretty irritating ya know? today I decided to organize myself. its like I feel I need to get my life in order. like i don't want chaos anymore. its kinda like getting that nesting feeling moms to be get right before having the baby. think i am having a precognition? so you ever think about how yur kids will turn out if you aren't here? been thinking about that a lot. hmmmmm maybe i am facing my immortality. i dunno. well, i coloureed my hair blonde again,, couldn't stand the dark anymore. started going to a gym. workouts are killer. cracked the windshield in my car,, all the way across the bottom. got fake nails. thinking of starting knitting, heh can you imagine? i think listening to all that hard rock has finally started to affect my hearing. saw a beautiful sunset the other day, thought of you ..drove to the edge of the world,, planned on falling off,, discovered the thing is round..thought I saw a fairy in the back yard, she told me it was my imagination...my cat and i have a love/hate relationship, I love her, she hates me....I tried to sail to exotic places,, the sailboat on my tv was too small....I decided life was weird.... then I smiled

Always

Mainstreamer or Sideliner?

 

Have you ever noticed in life there are people who are mainstream, and people who are sideline? Mainstream people are the ones always in the  spotlight, always the ones people clamor to get next too so that some of that light will haphazardly shine down upon them. These people don't necessarily mean to use others, but generally they do. They tend to make friends with other mainstreamers and as long as things are going well and there is enough spotlight to be shared, then life is grand.But when life isn't so grand, thats when the sideline people come into play.The sideline people are those who stand at the side looking into the light, but never getting any of the luminescence. They go about their mundane lives waiting for the times when the Mainstreamer has no one better to cast their light upon.The sideliners will in a nanosecond,drop whatever it is they are doing, just to have the attention of the Mainstreamer, even though they know that once the Mainstreamer finds another mainstreamer to listen, the sideliner will be shoved back to their natural resting place, the dark. It has always been a curiosity to me why Sideliners stay on the sidelines instead of finding their own spotlight. Maybe its insecurity. Maybe its just their lot in life. What would happen if the sideliners suddenly took over the role of mainstreamers? Utter Chaos I'd say. The whole balance of life would tilt and possibly collapse.  While you have been reading this, have you stopped to think which side of the balance you are on? Ask yourself the prime questions. Do you like the spotlight? Do you have that ability to stand in front? Do you put people on the side to wait for you just in case you have noone to talk too and you need them? Well, I'd say you were mainstream. Do you watch as people move on without you and never ask why? Do you sit like a puppy and wait for morsels of meat to be dropped in your lap?  Do you drop everything when you are beckoned too?  Then I'd say you are sideline.  Now, if you are considering these questions and you realise you are a mainstreamer but feel a bit guilty for it,don't bother, its not your fault. Sideliners have always had opportunity to correct you, but they tend to settle into their own little crack in the sidewalk, wallowing in their own little misery of waiting,begging with their eyes for just a little recognition. But, and its this way with nearly everything I write, this is just to make you think.